During a storm, Jesus appeared on a blue tarp upon the deck of The Vinnie Maru, demanding that agent Bernie Benedict find him a date.

For thousands of years two ancient Pacific cannibal tribes have fought over which of their respective shark gods (Macelaca and Dakawaka) should rule the Seven Seas. Today, the 3000-year-old Melanesian war has reached the shores of the US.

‘Word on the street’ has it that the shark gods and their peckish followers are gearing up for a final, pay-per-view televised battle which will take place in Jamaica Bay, NY, on New Year’s Eve.

Leading up to the match, Interpol agent Bernie ‘The God Whisperer’ Benedict and his paranormal crew are following the body count along US waterfronts.

And Jesus still wants a date.

Soon, our hero finds himself in dangerous waters as the ‘prize’ in an over-heated mating game between two beautiful deities, the majestic virgin moon goddess, Artemis, and her luscious friend, the potty-mouthed Fijian goddess, Dauna. Join the merriment as Agent Bernie, whose talents used to only be only the ability to talk to apparitions, has now become ‘THE’ dating service for gods of all types.

After his ‘forbidden relations’ with both Artemis and Dauna, he, himself, is becoming a deity.

Soon, ‘regular guy’ Bernie Benedict, will be transformed into the sophisticated and handsome Cupcaecius, a dead ringer for Cary Grant and the first new god on Mount Olympus in over five millenia.

Fred Barnett