What it lacks in length and depth and taste, it makes up for in ‘F’ words. The Man from Nantucket — A true American Hero.
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Here’s a goddamned X-cerpt:
Young Sam and his granddad, Mr. William Balls
Born on the Island of Nantucket, in 1906, Sam Swathorn was the only surviving grandson of the celebrated William “Barnacle” Balls (the sailor). In the early 20th century kids matured early and that is when young Sam sprung forth, like a boner, to take his place in the world as The Man From Nantucket.
One sunny afternoon, grandfather Balls, drunk and broke, trolled through the seaside town of Nantucket with his “chick bait” infant grandson , Sam, showing him off to the town’s teenage girls. After many unsuccessful hours and an impending case of the trots seaman Balls decided to drag his grandson into Nantucket’s oldest whorehouse, Madam Tillie’s. William was always welcome there. Tillie, the most battle scarred hussy on the Eastern seaboard was in love with the free-spirited Mr. Balls. She loved to listen to “My Balls,” as she called him, sing sea shanties to her about his adventures in foreign ports.
“What if we should have a boy? What if we should have a boy? What if we should have a boy?” asked the fair young maiden.
“He’ll go off to sea and fuck like me,” said Barnacle Balls the Sailor. “He’ll go off to sea and fuck like me,” said Barnacle Balls the Sailor.
William held up the little boy and made his introductions. “This, young Sam, is Madam Tillie,” and this Madam Tillie, is madam grandkid.”
“Handsome looking grandson, Balls.”
“He should be! I’m also his father! Har! (Fart)”