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Freddy Barnett's

And Then Things Got Weird….

Month

November 2019

Shark Fin Soup (A tale of sharks, gods, cannibals, mad cows and endless love. )

During a storm, Jesus appeared on a blue tarp upon the deck of The Vinnie Maru, demanding that agent Bernie Benedict find him a date.

For thousands of years two ancient Pacific cannibal tribes have fought over which of their respective shark gods (Macelaca and Dakawaka) should rule the Seven Seas. Today, the 3000-year-old Melanesian war has reached the shores of the US.

‘Word on the street’ has it that the shark gods and their peckish followers are gearing up for a final, pay-per-view televised battle which will take place in Jamaica Bay, NY, on New Year’s Eve.

Leading up to the match, Interpol agent Bernie ‘The God Whisperer’ Benedict and his paranormal crew are following the body count along US waterfronts.

And Jesus still wants a date.

Soon, our hero finds himself in dangerous waters as the ‘prize’ in an over-heated mating game between two beautiful deities, the majestic virgin moon goddess, Artemis, and her luscious friend, the potty-mouthed Fijian goddess, Dauna. Join the merriment as Agent Bernie, whose talents used to only be only the ability to talk to apparitions, has now become ‘THE’ dating service for gods of all types.

After his ‘forbidden relations’ with both Artemis and Dauna, he, himself, is becoming a deity.

Soon, ‘regular guy’ Bernie Benedict, will be transformed into the sophisticated and handsome Cupcaecius, a dead ringer for Cary Grant and the first new god on Mount Olympus in over five millenia.

Fred Barnett

The Man From Nantucket. BRAND NUDE …uh NEW short novella! R-Rated $.99

What it lacks in length and depth and taste, it makes up for in ‘F’ words. The Man from Nantucket — A true American Hero.

BUY IT HERE!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/459533

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Here’s a goddamned X-cerpt:

Young Sam and his granddad, Mr. William Balls

Born on the Island of Nantucket, in 1906, Sam Swathorn was the only surviving grandson of the celebrated William “Barnacle” Balls (the sailor). In the early 20th century kids matured early and that is when young Sam sprung forth, like a boner, to take his place in the world as The Man From Nantucket.

One sunny afternoon, grandfather Balls, drunk and broke, trolled through the seaside town of Nantucket with his “chick bait” infant grandson , Sam, showing him off to the town’s teenage girls. After many unsuccessful hours and an impending case of the trots seaman Balls decided to drag his grandson into Nantucket’s oldest whorehouse, Madam Tillie’s. William was always welcome there. Tillie, the most battle scarred hussy on the Eastern seaboard was in love with the free-spirited Mr. Balls. She loved to listen to “My Balls,” as she called him, sing sea shanties to her about his adventures in foreign ports.

What if we should have a boy? What if we should have a boy? What if we should have a boy?” asked the fair young maiden.

 “He’ll go off to sea and fuck like me,” said Barnacle Balls the Sailor. “He’ll go off to sea and fuck like me,” said Barnacle Balls the Sailor.

William held up the little boy and made his introductions. “This, young Sam, is Madam Tillie,” and this Madam Tillie, is madam grandkid.”

“Handsome looking grandson, Balls.”

“He should be! I’m also his father! Har! (Fart)”

 

The Man from Nantucket copy

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