In the words of the Captain Anne Bonny….(Sketch by Anita Benson Bradley)
“The stupid lout nearly wrecked the ship, three times, hence its appearance.”
“How? asked Errol Flynn’s lost (in 1972) son, Sean.
“He hit a few large obstacles. France, Italy and Russia. On my first voyage with Jack, when we I had an honest crew, we set sail for Belgium. King George II gave us a fortune in gold and trusted us to search the world for the finest…”
“Gold?” asked the young genius, Edison.
The guests all let out a collective “Oooooooooh.”
Captain Bonny continued, “Everywhere we asked, people told us to head for Belgium. When we arrived in Belgium, we were ready for the exchange. The dock was heaped with our gold on one side and twenty tons of pure chocolate in bricks on the other. The dock owner, Plaid Phil, and his men drew their swords and demanded both. As fortune had it, a visiting duke from another part of the Netherlands was passing by in his carriage and demanded his driver to stop. It was Frederick Henry. had once tried to escape from an angry husband in the 1647 and drown when he tried to escape by hiding in a vat of his best dark chocolate which is now known as Orange Chocolate. Yeah, we were bad ass pirates when it came to chocolate, we scared our victims when they saw our faces drooling with it and we covered ourselves with almond slivers, strawberries and sprinkles.
They executed me poor Jack in 1720 in Port Royal. The governor was going to hang him, but he weighed too much by the time that I was done with him. Ha! At the end, we were calling him Jumbo Jack. The governor of Port Royal, Paisley Nick Lawes, stuck explosives in each end of Jack, knocked him out, lit the fuse and set him adrift and the whole town watched him explode and be eaten by sharks, who left generous tips— tips of gold doubloons they took from sunken Caribbean treasure! I’d do anything for some adventure. My crew and I take sojourns and race the hurricanes to rob …I mean pick up supplies and spices. Otherwise we just stay around home and cook. Those are my two best carvers, Killer Kelly and Baby Blues Walker. Say ‘Hi’ ladies.”