Man goes on Rampage in Hardware Store

Westchester, Los Angeles, December 12, 2012

Umberto Diaz had to be calmed by Rampart division officers yesterday , after he went on a rant about finding rat traps. Really big rat traps.

It seems that Mr. Diaz  had just returned from Tijuana after getting his classic Chevy “Tuck-n-rolled” at Espinosa’s Upholstery where he had encountered giant rodents — “who talked.” It seems that Mickey Espinosa, who co-owns the auto upholstery shop with his wife Minnie had threatened Mr. Diaz after Umberto had accused the shop owners of stuffing his car upholstery with dead cats after his car began to smell over a week ago — “I should have watched those two, he thought. The Espinosa’s told Mr. Diaz that , “There cannot be dead cats inside your seats, Señor. We killed all of the cats in Tijuana years ago. They know that they are not welcome here.”

“Umberto Diaz was scaring our customers.” said Harry Meyer, the owner of Numero Uno Hardware on Temple Street in Los Angeles. “He was screaming and tearing up our store looking for Human-sized rodent traps and scaring some of our local children. We had to call the police.” (To be continued).

Source: Tuck n’ Roll