Freddy Barnett's

And Then Things Got Weird….


May 2016

Two New Book Covers (Coming Soon)

BugHouse (Young Adults) & The Man from Nantucket (Old Crusty Adults)

The Tale of Igorrina (from BATS ^^Ö^^)


“I’m bored,” said Mina, who sat with her face in her hands.

“Me too,” said Jonathan while plunking on his dreadfully-out-of-tune guitar.

“Oh, children,” said the Countess. “Let me tell you a story about patience. There was once a lonely little girl named Igorrina who lived just down the road in the haunted forest of Hoia-Baciu.”

“Is there any other kind of forest?” asked the young Mina.

“No. Now listen, my children of the night. Igorinna, who had no friends to play Toe Tag with, was convinced that there was nothing exciting in her future, so she always—always—took her goddamned futen time. She was never in a big hurry to go…anywhere. One day she decided that she’d had enough of this world. She tied the end of a rope around the neck that connected her useless head to her body and the other end of the rope to a young spruce tree, determined to stay there until either death took her away or her dream-boy Prince Charmin’ arrived on his white steed to rescue her from her misery. Local wolves, lynx, and bears also found Igorinna uninteresting and unappetizing. Poor Igorrina spent much of her life in Hoia-Baciu Forest watching the bats and ghosts fly by in the evening while protected only by vicious badgers who lived in the dens that circled the tree. The badgers didn’t care for Igorrina, but were curious to see what might happen to her in the end. They kept her minimally fed with worms, grubs, and insects. Over time, Igorrina had begun to grow old and ugly while tied to the same branch of that same tree for forty-five years until …”

“Until what, Countess?” asked Jonathan. “A handsome woodsman came along?”

“Fah!” said Vlad.

“A knight in shining armor?” asked Mina.

“Fat futin’ chance!” said Elizabeth. “You children can be so gruesome.”

“Of course! The handsome prince!” said Lupta.

“No vay,” said Vlad. “Prince Charmin’, the ass vipe, never showed up.”

Elizabeth continued. “So, sad Igorrina sat, leaning against the tree trunk until, you know…one day, the spruce finally grew tall enough…tall enough to slowly pull Igorrina up by her neck and hang her.”

“No guano! That is so cool,” said Jonathan.

“Talk about patience!” said Mina.

“You kids should see her,” said Vlad. “Igorrina can vear a choker, a string of pearls, a locket, and ten necklaces…at vonce!”

Suddenly Vlad’s eyes seemed to catch fire. His mustache bristled. “Fute patience!” He pounded the table. “I vant all of them out of my castle! Now!”

New Novella: Rock Invasion

Johnny Passion is a washed up pop star, who is lucky enough to be living under the wing of the muse, Therpsicore (Cori). Johnny’s immediate and sole ambition is to live, in peace, under piles of sweet smelling women’s undergarments.

In 1921, Cori was selected, unanimously by the Pantheon of Gods, to be the Goddess of Modern Music. A sacrosanct title. Along with her two alien minions, Buddy and Ada Brill, they’ve created and promoted much of the GOOD music that we Earthlings enjoy today. Together the trio will revive the tired music of the twenty-first century by dropping fresh musical ‘seeds’ and reinventing Johnny Passion’s musical career.

To accomplish their mission, they must defeat the mercurial Anthony Rubio, the God of Sleaze, along with his army of ponytailed middle-aged Hollywood sh*theels.

If you haven’t read The Kingdom of the Cats along with 20,000,000 other readers, in 3000 languages, on 25 continents, then Rock Invasion is a nice introduction:

Find it on Smashwords >>>>>


Cover Rock Invasion

The Kingdom of the Cats (on Amazon)

Beautiful and inspiring true stories about love, life and aquiring wealth…..

The Kingdom of the Cats print1

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